It's been a little while since I wrote here, and for that I am sorry. BUT...I've been busy. So much has happened. I decided on a treatment plan, I've been getting really involved at Church again, I'm working like crazy, still trying to go to school.
I decided that CHEMO/RADIATION therapy was the way to go for me. I'll explain more later, i'm rather tired and cranky right now. TODAY, in fact, was DAY NUMBER ONE...for the Chemo - woo, hoo. I was really hoping it wouldn't be that bad, but the experience overall was pretty horrific. :( *sigh* I guess I didn't really know what to expect.
Anyways, for all who are following this, I'm alive and okay. A little on the queasy side right now and very very tired...that said, I'm going to take a nap.
Hopefully I will write more later.
XOXO <3 <3 <3
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
One more hour...continued...
Okay, so...I made a snide comment/joke at the doctor's office today, when the PA came back into the room with the results from my CBC and exlaimed, "Wow, you're white blood cell count is REALLY high". Maybe it was the fact that even in the scooby-doo scrubs she still resembled a Matel Barbie Doll especially with all her pancake makeup, she was very pretty though. Nevertheless my reply to her was, "It usually is when you have cancer..." I guess that was my way to make light of the situation, but she scurried out of the room in quite a hurry with this 'omg, i just shot the neighbors dog' look on her face. Hah! Cancer. What a word. Why do people take it as such a horrible thing? I think this has just brought me closer than I've ever been to the Lord...and for that, I am blessed.
Neverless, I'll have my CA-125 results sometime tomorrow. OH...did I mention...I have STREP THROAT now too?!? Greeeeeeeeaaaaat. Oh well. I laugh in it's face. More antibiotics for me...for me...for me... :)
One more hour...
I'm thanking God that I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for 10am this morning. I awoke in the night with a swollen throat, some severe cramping, lower back pain, and a 102 degree fever. :( After a lot of Ibuprofen, I felt okay and was able to get back to sleep. This morning, I called out sick to work, and called my normal doctor - who contacted Dr. McCormick - and so today I will be going to my primary car doctor, but I will be having some blood tests run (definately going to have a CA-125 run again today says Dr. Tao - which is exciting and nerve racking, but I am anxious to hear the results).
This could mean many things, but my faith will endure and I will overcome all of this. God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself...I have to trust completely...I believe he can heal and I believe that he already has. :)
Kisses, I'm off to the doctor now.
This could mean many things, but my faith will endure and I will overcome all of this. God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself...I have to trust completely...I believe he can heal and I believe that he already has. :)
Kisses, I'm off to the doctor now.
Friday, October 23, 2009
*******
Two Weeks in healing...and I guess it's going alright. I thought the worst part was over. If anyone has been through a conization via a LEEP procedure and had no problems to deal with, then I envy you! This week was awfully rough and painful. I suppose it doesn't help that I had an infection and had to take some antibiotics along with some pain relievers to assist me through the week. Thank goodness the weekend is here...
Well, where do I start? The margins from the procedure were not clear. This basically means that there are still cancerous cells and that they did not get it all out. GREAT. Not really, but I'm learning how to be a comedian these days.
So, the lucky day for me is November 9th, 2009. This is my next follow-up appointment (unless she decides she wants to see me earlier for some odd reason). At this appointment she will be doing a few tests and procedures (of which I really won't get into detail about) and discussing the treatment options at this point. However, at the moment the options which stand are as follows: (1) surgery - simple hysterechtomy OR (2) Radiation/Chemotherapy Treatment. One of the Chemo/Radiation treatments they were discussing is a clinical trial (apparently, my case would work well for it...since they are saying I was originally diagnosed as a 1A1, but clearly due to the margins being negative still they have determined the staging was wrong and it is truly a 1B. The clinical trial number is: NCT00104910 in case anyone wants to read up on it, the National Cancer Institue is the sponsor for the trial. So, like I said, I'm still thinking...Dr.McCormick (sp?) has discussed these treatment options in depth with me. In fact, she and everyone else I've met at the Johns Hopkins Kelly Gynecologic Oncology Center has been amazing to me. They truly do care and I know they want to beat this and cure it too! :)
Right now, until my "lucky day", I am just praying that God gives me the answer to the direction I need to go with this treatment, I hope that all who read this will pray for this as well.
*******
On another note, I had an amazing dream lastnight, it was a moment from my past - I re-lived it...and it was amazing. I was at St. Joseph's Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts with my Dad. I remember the rocky buildings, the gravel pathways, the gorgeous views, and plush greenery. So...I looked them up online - I wanted to share the website with you all. This group of men had a large impact on my life. The Trappist Monks whom I remember from my childhood include; Father Abbot, Father Robert, and Brother James. What good people...
http://www.spencerabbey.org/index.html
*******
It's been a long day, a long week, and it's time for sleep...
May God Bless and Keep You! <3
Friday, October 9, 2009
Cancer Sucks & Hugs Heal!
HUGS HEAL...HOPE HELPS...and CANCER SUCKS!
Three important things I've learned over the last few weeks...
I have some pretty amazing people in my life...
Surgery went well on Thursday, lots of things to be determined though...more surgery in 3-5 weeks? plus chemo/radiation somewhere in between? I don't know, I'm not sure, we'll see I guess.
I just pray for love, compassion, complete healing...and to being cancer free.
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." ♥
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, who abides in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2 ♥
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 ♥
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ♥
Please continue to pray... ♥
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Teach me to number my days...
Are you suffering from the “Someday Syndrome”—Always waiting for just the right moment, the right day, or the right time to begin living your life and your calling? I feel like I have been living that way for a while...and it's time to change. It's sad that it has taken something scary to make me re-think my life and where I am in it...
Father, You tell us our days are like the grass; here one day and gone the next. May I live each day as if it were my last. (Psalm 103:15-16)
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)
“Show me, O LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.” (Psalm 39:4)
Lord, Your love is so big. May I always seek to understand, grow and live out Your love with everyone in my life. (1Corinthians 13:4-8)
Help me to live a life that puts the interest of others ahead of myself. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Lord, I want to live the selfless life that Jesus lived - to leave a legacy of service to others rather than seeking to be served; to give of my life so that others they might come to know Your Son Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. (Matthew 20:28)
Father God, help me to change my ways - help to lead me where I am supposed to go. Help me to live my life to the fullest and to glorify you, Lord. <3>
Father, You tell us our days are like the grass; here one day and gone the next. May I live each day as if it were my last. (Psalm 103:15-16)
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)
“Show me, O LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.” (Psalm 39:4)
Lord, Your love is so big. May I always seek to understand, grow and live out Your love with everyone in my life. (1Corinthians 13:4-8)
Help me to live a life that puts the interest of others ahead of myself. (Philippians 2:3-4)
Lord, I want to live the selfless life that Jesus lived - to leave a legacy of service to others rather than seeking to be served; to give of my life so that others they might come to know Your Son Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. (Matthew 20:28)
Father God, help me to change my ways - help to lead me where I am supposed to go. Help me to live my life to the fullest and to glorify you, Lord. <3>
You've got mail...or something else...
You've Got Cancer...Adenocarcinoma to be exact...
I have no idea how many millions of people have heard or will hear that phrase in their lifetime. Those three words can strike terror in the heart of anyone who hears them. Sometimes the doctor who says those words delivers them without passion or preamble. And they say it so casually and without sympathy that at first the words don’t sink in. Then the words “carcinoma” and “cancer” begin to bang around in your brain until they register.
At first you feel disbelief, then shock then denial. “What, me - cancer - no way! There has to be some mistake,” you say to yourself unbelievingly. Everything horrible and awful you’ve ever heard, read, seen or known about people who have had cancer flashes in your mind. Surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation and death - oh my! The phrase paints a very bleak picture, doesn’t it?
In the back of your mind, as much as you don’t want to, you witness your own mortality. Even for the most faithful people, even for those who understand the meaning of life, this can be an incomprehensible moment. So we turn to the professional for answers, which means more tests, possible surgeries and months of painful therapies in the hope that we will survive—and that’s if your insurance company will pay for it all.
The one thing we cannot lose is our hope. We hope for the cure and a speedy recovery because without hope, the process would be dismal and disheartening. We have to believe that even cancer is a part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. Odd, don’t you think, to say that cancer, disease, famine and any horrific human event is part of a loving Heavenly Father’s plan, but it is! Without suffering there would be no compassion.
So, here we are and here we sit...we pray, we fast, we try and do what the Lord asks us to do. We follow the doctor’s recommendations. We put our faith in Christ. We reach out to others who have suffered with similar experiences and we draw on their strength. And we move forward one faltering faithful step at a time and hope for a glorious resurrection free of pain, sorrow and sin.
Thanks for the support...Will update later this week.
Love you all. <3
'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (Jeremiah 29:11)
I have no idea how many millions of people have heard or will hear that phrase in their lifetime. Those three words can strike terror in the heart of anyone who hears them. Sometimes the doctor who says those words delivers them without passion or preamble. And they say it so casually and without sympathy that at first the words don’t sink in. Then the words “carcinoma” and “cancer” begin to bang around in your brain until they register.
At first you feel disbelief, then shock then denial. “What, me - cancer - no way! There has to be some mistake,” you say to yourself unbelievingly. Everything horrible and awful you’ve ever heard, read, seen or known about people who have had cancer flashes in your mind. Surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation and death - oh my! The phrase paints a very bleak picture, doesn’t it?
In the back of your mind, as much as you don’t want to, you witness your own mortality. Even for the most faithful people, even for those who understand the meaning of life, this can be an incomprehensible moment. So we turn to the professional for answers, which means more tests, possible surgeries and months of painful therapies in the hope that we will survive—and that’s if your insurance company will pay for it all.
The one thing we cannot lose is our hope. We hope for the cure and a speedy recovery because without hope, the process would be dismal and disheartening. We have to believe that even cancer is a part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. Odd, don’t you think, to say that cancer, disease, famine and any horrific human event is part of a loving Heavenly Father’s plan, but it is! Without suffering there would be no compassion.
So, here we are and here we sit...we pray, we fast, we try and do what the Lord asks us to do. We follow the doctor’s recommendations. We put our faith in Christ. We reach out to others who have suffered with similar experiences and we draw on their strength. And we move forward one faltering faithful step at a time and hope for a glorious resurrection free of pain, sorrow and sin.
Thanks for the support...Will update later this week.
Love you all. <3
'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (Jeremiah 29:11)
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