There you are, Lord...heal me!

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.' Isaiah 41:10

Whew - Chemotherapy - how we have such a love/hate relationship...
My oral pills come individually in a tin foil like wrapper. It's funny how you can read the warnings where they offer specific handling instructions to those who aren't on chemo. How they're supposed to wear gloves - and some not supposed to handle at all. Yet, I have to take the pills out of their pouches, place them on my tongue, and SWALLOW!?!?! You've GOT to be kidding me... It really makes you think. Oh, and don't get me started how the pill has the word 'toxin' in it...who in there right mind wants to take a toxin and put it in their body? Oh - and then my research shows that Cytoxan is a mustard-gas derivative. Wow, did you HEAR what I said, a MUSTARD GAS DERIVATIVE!!! Hello?! Doesn't ANYONE remember just how vicious that stuff was in World War One - and you want me to put that stuff in my body on a DAILY basis and then every three weeks an infussion of it? You must think I'm crazy!

Okay, it turns out I have lost my mind, because I have been doing this for four months now - FOUR MONTHS, WOWWY! So, here's my lovely and oh-so-sexy pictures of my last chemo trip to Johns Hopkins. Oh, and a small disclaimer, my camera on my phone is REALLY HORRIBLE.


*ME AND MY CHEMO COCKTAIL*


*My cocktail was on a good, steady drip. I made my chemo nurse take a picture from up high to get close to the bottles and bags. hahaha.*


*Don't be afraid of an IV or a machine...it's just delivering poison into your body...*

Enough of that. Now to the good stuff. It's getting to be pretty cold out. How were the holidays for everyone? I got a WHITE Christmas this year in Maryland...and I just woke up this morning to another beautiful WHITE snow-fall! This makes me very, very, happy!


Here is my Caringbridge website, for your viewing pleasure, hope you'll check it out.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/believeaimeelynn

Sorry about the small novel - I had my chemo yesterday. So, I slept lastnight until 3am when my body just decided that it had enough (and the anti-nasuea drugs opted to stop working). Today my body doesn't want to move, it hurts, I'm sore, and sooooooooo here I am sitting here typing on my computer. LOL. But, I am exhausted - don't let the upbeat posting fool you. I feel plain awful and I'm exhausted - sleep time again, I think...

Please continue to pray for complete healing. January 12th is a day full of testing, pray for good results, pray for positive outcomes, pray for remission, pray for complete healing!!!!!

My love to all.

In Him,
Aimee Lynn

♥ 'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance.' James 1: 2-3 ♥

Pray Hard...

Sometimes you have to just pray, and pray hard.
Sometimes nothing else will do.
Sometimes I have those days, despite what some may think.
People say that I am brave and are so amazed at my spirit in this fight...
But I'm not brave, truth is I'm barely hanging on...
But what I AM hanging on to is my FAITH - and THAT is bigger than any cancer!

So, here's the update:
Things have been slowly progressing downhill. The blood tests they've been running haven't been the greatest. They have doubled the amount of oral chemo I am taking everyday; which feels to me like it's not doing anything but making me sick to my stomach! Nonetheless, this is the plan (with dates and specifics - so please pray about it all) and when I can I will write more and update. Also, please check out my CaringBridge website for updates too:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/believeaimeelynn

SPECIFICS & DATES:
December 30th: IV CHEMO (CYTOXAN) round #2
January 8th: Last day of ORAL CHEMO (hopefully)
January 12th: Blood Tests, PET scan, possible Colposcopy

*Will update these as they come and go...things may change - as I'm learning with this whole thing - they change like the wind blows...

When the body has betrayed us, and all science offered has failed, when the worst case scenario comes true; clinging to HOPE is all we've got left. Disease can suddenly fade away, tumors go missing, they open someone up to discover the cancer is gone-they give us any explanation but the truth...saying life is full of vanishing acts.

3 John 1:2 I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you ♥

'Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble at heart. And you will find rest for your souls for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.' Matthew 11:28-30. ♥ Pray for rest and peace in Him... ♥ Pray for complete healing ♥

...still going

Had a make-up doctor's appointment today. Yup, because I forgot about the original appointment. Ugh. I really need to get a personal assistant. lol. :)

Anyways, I had some bloodwork done again, and THIS TIME, I actually asked what it was for. They did a CBC, SMA, PT/PTT. I looked up what they meant too...
Complete Blood Count (CBC) to look for anemia and infection
Chemistry Panel (SMA) which checks blood serum minerals, liver and kidney function.
Blood tests for clotting are done (PT & PTT)

Well, we've known for a while now that I am anemic...and Doc kept saying we would pump me full of iron, vitamin B12, and folic acid. So, I've been regularly consuming those things - much more than normal. Guess what? Didn't work. NOW...I'm super anemic. So...'Blood transfusions R Us' got themselves a new customer here today.

YUP...you heard right...I had to have a blood transfusion. TONS OF FUN. Not really, but it wasn't bad.

Well, that is about all the update I can handle right now...
LOVE YOU ALL!

She went home to be with Jesus...

Psalm 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

An excerpt from Jessica Jean Snead's CaringBridge Website, posted by her mother Sharon Spence, from December 9, 2009...

"At 2:30 today Jessica entered into her rest and perfect healing. It was a privilege to watch her as she saw glimpses of heaven, "it is pretty", "its so beautiful", "its too bright". She raised her weak little arms in worship and smiled her last smile here on earth. The pain and suffering were so great last night and today. With Cory, Mark and Kayla and a team of pastors we encouraged her, urged her to go and be free.....and she even said, "I'm trying"... in her weakened state.:)..and continued being polite to everyone. Her doctor said she was the politest patient she'd ever known. And the toughest. (We said, if you only knew!)Goodbye for now, my baby angel girl/best friend......Rejoicing for her, sad for the rest of us. Funeral/Celebration of her life will tentatively 11:00 Saturday at Wave Church. Thats all I can say for now."

It has been a long battle, two years and so much testing, trying, believing, trusting...my beautiful friend, I miss you so much.

Jessica passed at the age of 23 and a half, leaving behind a wonderful husband of 4 years, Cory; a great mom Sharon and dad Mark, 6 siblings; Greg and Des who live in other states; Kayla, 21, Alex, 20, Jordan 12 and Joy 9, and a countless number of friends. Please continue to pray for the friends and family. Since the beginning and through to her last moment, Jessica remained strong in her convictions to put all her hope and faith in Christ Jesus, her Lord. He never left her and will never forsake her. The amazing trust in Him alone abd knowing that He has a plan in all of this and has from the very beginning of time. It is plan for good, and not harm, as He has for all of His precious children. Thank you all for your love and prayers, never stop...

Jessica, I am so blessed to have known you. So blessed to be friends with you, so blessed to be your sister in Christ...my heart hurts right now, it hurts for you - for Cory - for your family and friends who miss you so very much. Through your fight, you never gave up. You have shown us what it means to live a life faithful even in the fire and all of us are forever grateful for your beautiful and shining example. Thank you for the glimpse of heaven you shared with us all. Your strength and resilience amazes me still. Your strong faith-trust-and-hope in our Lord inspires so many. I am blessed to have loved you, so blessed to have you love me, and so very blessed to have spent time with you last weekend...(even though the picture I will post at the end of this blog does not do justice to the beauty you are...it is a memory of us that I will cherish forever, my friend. I love you. <3 <3 And, yes...we had the same wig... :) <3 <3

Jesus, thank you for delivering Jessica from her pain and into your Glory. EVERYTHING is about your Glory and we are learning this in baby steps here on earth. Thank you for allowing Jessica to see your Glory, your Grace, and your Faithfullness and thank you Jesus, so much, for allowing her to tell us of the beauty and of the brightness of your Glory...just like your Word says. You are Truth.

"...you have a special place in my heart, we have shared together the blessings of God..." Phil. 1:7.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Love and prayers to the Snead & Spence Families and Friends. To my darling, Jessica...I love you, I miss you, and I'll be seeing you!

<3 <3 Forever <3 <3
Aimee

...in the process...

The Chemotherapy treatment is going alright. The first day was really tough. I just wish it was all over...I'm pretty much sick to my stomach everyday, which - let me tell you is getting quite old, quite fast.

I'm still going to school and work. I'm really not taking breaks from regular life because of this stuff... Work is really, really, really busy. I'm working on a project - which is tough, but it's going to help make some people in the company (ie higher up mngmnt) realize that I am very serious about the company. (I'm not sure that I really am, but it's good to appear that way in this economy - ya know?)

So...lots of stuff going on around here. My oral Chemo is a pain, as I said. I haven't started radiation yet. Honestly, not sure if I am going to right now. DR isn't convinced about it anymore, because my blood work is coming back every week showing lowering levels - so...maybe I won't need to undergo radiation yet? At any rate, she doesn't want to start it yet. I am supposed to have another round of the IV Chemo on December 14th. The week of Decembe 7th is my REST WEEK. That means no chemo...oral chemo even. So, that's good news! I did however, find out that I was anemic. (yea, my red blood cell count is really low) DR is afraid if it continues to drop at the rate that it is we may be discussing blood and platelet transfussions. While we're not at that point right now...it's still an option in future.

Right now, I'm just taking things day by day. I'm trying to reach deeper into myself to find who I am. In this situation, in the last month or so, I have found a deeper and closer relationship with the Lord. Through all of this, He is my strength. I couldn't do half of the things that I am doing now if it weren't for Him - for my faith.

Hope, Faith, and Love...that's what there is and what it's all about...
<3 <3 <3

Chemo Cocktail - was not coffee flavored...

It's been a little while since I wrote here, and for that I am sorry. BUT...I've been busy. So much has happened. I decided on a treatment plan, I've been getting really involved at Church again, I'm working like crazy, still trying to go to school.

I decided that CHEMO/RADIATION therapy was the way to go for me. I'll explain more later, i'm rather tired and cranky right now. TODAY, in fact, was DAY NUMBER ONE...for the Chemo - woo, hoo. I was really hoping it wouldn't be that bad, but the experience overall was pretty horrific. :( *sigh* I guess I didn't really know what to expect.

Anyways, for all who are following this, I'm alive and okay. A little on the queasy side right now and very very tired...that said, I'm going to take a nap.

Hopefully I will write more later.
XOXO <3 <3 <3

One more hour...continued...

Okay, so...I made a snide comment/joke at the doctor's office today, when the PA came back into the room with the results from my CBC and exlaimed, "Wow, you're white blood cell count is REALLY high". Maybe it was the fact that even in the scooby-doo scrubs she still resembled a Matel Barbie Doll especially with all her pancake makeup, she was very pretty though. Nevertheless my reply to her was, "It usually is when you have cancer..." I guess that was my way to make light of the situation, but she scurried out of the room in quite a hurry with this 'omg, i just shot the neighbors dog' look on her face. Hah! Cancer. What a word. Why do people take it as such a horrible thing? I think this has just brought me closer than I've ever been to the Lord...and for that, I am blessed.

Neverless, I'll have my CA-125 results sometime tomorrow. OH...did I mention...I have STREP THROAT now too?!? Greeeeeeeeaaaaat. Oh well. I laugh in it's face. More antibiotics for me...for me...for me... :)

One more hour...

I'm thanking God that I was able to get an appointment with my doctor for 10am this morning. I awoke in the night with a swollen throat, some severe cramping, lower back pain, and a 102 degree fever. :( After a lot of Ibuprofen, I felt okay and was able to get back to sleep. This morning, I called out sick to work, and called my normal doctor - who contacted Dr. McCormick - and so today I will be going to my primary car doctor, but I will be having some blood tests run (definately going to have a CA-125 run again today says Dr. Tao - which is exciting and nerve racking, but I am anxious to hear the results).

This could mean many things, but my faith will endure and I will overcome all of this. God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself...I have to trust completely...I believe he can heal and I believe that he already has. :)

Kisses, I'm off to the doctor now.

*******

Two Weeks in healing...and I guess it's going alright. I thought the worst part was over. If anyone has been through a conization via a LEEP procedure and had no problems to deal with, then I envy you! This week was awfully rough and painful. I suppose it doesn't help that I had an infection and had to take some antibiotics along with some pain relievers to assist me through the week. Thank goodness the weekend is here...

Well, where do I start? The margins from the procedure were not clear. This basically means that there are still cancerous cells and that they did not get it all out. GREAT. Not really, but I'm learning how to be a comedian these days.

So, the lucky day for me is November 9th, 2009. This is my next follow-up appointment (unless she decides she wants to see me earlier for some odd reason). At this appointment she will be doing a few tests and procedures (of which I really won't get into detail about) and discussing the treatment options at this point. However, at the moment the options which stand are as follows: (1) surgery - simple hysterechtomy OR (2) Radiation/Chemotherapy Treatment. One of the Chemo/Radiation treatments they were discussing is a clinical trial (apparently, my case would work well for it...since they are saying I was originally diagnosed as a 1A1, but clearly due to the margins being negative still they have determined the staging was wrong and it is truly a 1B. The clinical trial number is: NCT00104910 in case anyone wants to read up on it, the National Cancer Institue is the sponsor for the trial. So, like I said, I'm still thinking...Dr.McCormick (sp?) has discussed these treatment options in depth with me. In fact, she and everyone else I've met at the Johns Hopkins Kelly Gynecologic Oncology Center has been amazing to me. They truly do care and I know they want to beat this and cure it too! :)

Right now, until my "lucky day", I am just praying that God gives me the answer to the direction I need to go with this treatment, I hope that all who read this will pray for this as well.

*******

On another note, I had an amazing dream lastnight, it was a moment from my past - I re-lived it...and it was amazing. I was at St. Joseph's Abbey in Spencer, Massachusetts with my Dad. I remember the rocky buildings, the gravel pathways, the gorgeous views, and plush greenery. So...I looked them up online - I wanted to share the website with you all. This group of men had a large impact on my life. The Trappist Monks whom I remember from my childhood include; Father Abbot, Father Robert, and Brother James. What good people...

http://www.spencerabbey.org/index.html

*******

It's been a long day, a long week, and it's time for sleep...

May God Bless and Keep You! <3

Cancer Sucks & Hugs Heal!

HUGS HEAL...HOPE HELPS...and CANCER SUCKS!

Three important things I've learned over the last few weeks...
I have some pretty amazing people in my life...

Surgery went well on Thursday, lots of things to be determined though...more surgery in 3-5 weeks? plus chemo/radiation somewhere in between? I don't know, I'm not sure, we'll see I guess.

I just pray for love, compassion, complete healing...and to being cancer free.

1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." ♥

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, who abides in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2 ♥

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 ♥

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ♥

Please continue to pray... ♥

Teach me to number my days...

Are you suffering from the “Someday Syndrome”—Always waiting for just the right moment, the right day, or the right time to begin living your life and your calling? I feel like I have been living that way for a while...and it's time to change. It's sad that it has taken something scary to make me re-think my life and where I am in it...

Father, You tell us our days are like the grass; here one day and gone the next. May I live each day as if it were my last. (Psalm 103:15-16)

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)


“Show me, O LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.” (Psalm 39:4)


Lord, Your love is so big. May I always seek to understand, grow and live out Your love with everyone in my life. (1Corinthians 13:4-8)

Help me to live a life that puts the interest of others ahead of myself. (Philippians 2:3-4)

Lord, I want to live the selfless life that Jesus lived - to leave a legacy of service to others rather than seeking to be served; to give of my life so that others they might come to know Your Son Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. (Matthew 20:28)

Father God, help me to change my ways - help to lead me where I am supposed to go. Help me to live my life to the fullest and to glorify you, Lord. <3>

You've got mail...or something else...

You've Got Cancer...Adenocarcinoma to be exact...

I have no idea how many millions of people have heard or will hear that phrase in their lifetime. Those three words can strike terror in the heart of anyone who hears them. Sometimes the doctor who says those words delivers them without passion or preamble. And they say it so casually and without sympathy that at first the words don’t sink in. Then the words “carcinoma” and “cancer” begin to bang around in your brain until they register.

At first you feel disbelief, then shock then denial. “What, me - cancer - no way! There has to be some mistake,” you say to yourself unbelievingly. Everything horrible and awful you’ve ever heard, read, seen or known about people who have had cancer flashes in your mind. Surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation and death - oh my! The phrase paints a very bleak picture, doesn’t it?

In the back of your mind, as much as you don’t want to, you witness your own mortality. Even for the most faithful people, even for those who understand the meaning of life, this can be an incomprehensible moment. So we turn to the professional for answers, which means more tests, possible surgeries and months of painful therapies in the hope that we will survive—and that’s if your insurance company will pay for it all.

The one thing we cannot lose is our hope. We hope for the cure and a speedy recovery because without hope, the process would be dismal and disheartening. We have to believe that even cancer is a part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. Odd, don’t you think, to say that cancer, disease, famine and any horrific human event is part of a loving Heavenly Father’s plan, but it is! Without suffering there would be no compassion.

So, here we are and here we sit...we pray, we fast, we try and do what the Lord asks us to do. We follow the doctor’s recommendations. We put our faith in Christ. We reach out to others who have suffered with similar experiences and we draw on their strength. And we move forward one faltering faithful step at a time and hope for a glorious resurrection free of pain, sorrow and sin.

Thanks for the support...Will update later this week.
Love you all. <3

'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (Jeremiah 29:11)

Just so young...

This labor day weekend is the 14 year mark of my mother's passing due to Breast Cancer, she was 38 years young when she passed. She was a beautiful woman. I wish I could tell you all of the great memories that I have of my childhood, of time spent with this amazing woman - but I cannot. The words do not often come to me, the feelings have been buried deep within me, and more often than not - my grief still overrides my ability to think and remember her clearly. This year, however, has been an eye opening one - one in which I have been blessed with clear visions of my mother, my past, and my childhood. Almost as though the Lord has been speaking to me this year, just telling me that it's okay...and that it's time to let go of the grief and the hurt that for years I have buried deep down inside me. His Word has surely comforted me, it has provided comfort for all of our troubles. God does not fail us, he does not question us, and he always answers our prayers. Though it may not be the answer we want - there is always an answer...no matter what our days hold.

The promise of eternal life comes straight from God. Those who receive Jesus into their hearts do not end their existence when they stop breathing. Their last breath on earth, rather, is merely a precursor of life in eternity with Jesus. So, why is it that when someone close to us passes away that we grieve, we mourn, and we suffer? Maybe it's because many of us don't know or understand how to do so properly. I know that not just with my mother's passing - but in the other 30+ close persons who have passed in my life (yes, this number is larger than my age), I haven't quite recovered from my grief, but instead I've learned to manage and cope. Lately, it is becoming apparent to me that I need to let go of these feelings of grief - I need to not dwell on those who are no longer on this earth, but rather focus on the relationships of those who are still breathing the air of this world.

"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NIV).

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message).

This leads me to my thoughts on receiving THE BEST ANSWER from the Lord. Many of us sit here waiting for something to happen, praying and thinking that it's just not getting through...I too am guilty of this. I thought on many things over the last few years that I just hadn't gotten an answer to my prayers. Knowing fully that there is no time limit on speaking to God about my needs, but what I expected was an immediate response. Why? I'm not sure. I have understood now, that we work on a different time

table that God does, we sit here wanting an answer on these things - yesterday - while He has something completely different in store for us - tomorrow.

Faith has been described as “trusting God’s heart and trusting God’s power.” Some prayers that seem to go unanswered are simply instances in which God has lovingly overruled our wishes. He knows that what we have asked for is not best. Or it may be that our timing is not His timing, or He has some far greater purpose in mind. Let us remember, even Jesus prayed to His heavenly Father, “Nevertheless not My will, but Yours.” Luke 22:42.

***

It is from this, that I ask you all to pray with me...and pray without ceasing; for my dear friend Jessica Snead. Jessica has been battling PNETs cancer since a very large tumor was discovered in her stomach on May 7, 2008. She has had surgery, and months of chemo but neither were successful. PNETs is very rare, very aggressive and as far as medicine is concerned, there is no cure. Jessica's life is in the hands of her Creator....

Jessica had a major operation on May 13, 2008 to remove the mass, but it was not successful. The mass was too entwined with other vital organs. However, stopping the removal was a critical and important decision so that other attempts at minimizing the tumor could be used. The cancer has destroyed one of her kidneys, but the other one is in good shape. There may also be some damage to other organs. The day before the operation an "emobilization" was done which cut off the supply of blood to the tumor, which we had hoped would also shrink the tumor, but it doesn't appear that has happened significantly. Jessica had been on an intense chemotherapy plan involving 5 straight days of treatment and three weeks later a 1 day treatment of a different drug, then back to the 5 day, etc. It was brutal on her at times, but she kept on persevering and fighting her way back to "normal". She is so amazing through all of this. She is more brave and courageous than she realizes! Although the tumor is not shrinking and there is cancer in her lymph nodes and blood.

Just recently, Jessica's report came back that the cancer spread, some has died, some vanished in places. We still fight. Cancer fights. As Jessica goes into the next week with the targeted therapy working, we ask you God, to help everything work together for good. Cancer loses, dies, Jessica regains strength and health through the power of your Spirit. Not by might, not by power, but by your Spirit, Lord.

Since the beginning Jessica has remained strong in her convictions to put all her hope and faith in Christ Jesus, her Lord. He has never left her and will never forsake her.

I believe for every drop of rain that falls something beautiful truly grows...please pray for Jessica, for her husband Cory, and for her family and friends during these trying times.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. James 5:15 (NIV).

♥ Love Always ♥

Aimee Lynn

Who was I? Who am I? Who will I become?

There must be something more…

I need you. I need you in my life as much as I need food or water or sleep. For the longest time, I’ve had a thirst deep inside to be known and understood and loved for who I am. I longed for someone to share my life with…the ups and downs and everything in between.

I longed to know God…

Then you walked in, though you were there all along, quenching my thirst, satisfying my longing…and I knew you were the one—the one I’ve been waiting for all this time.

When the disciple is ready, the teacher appears…

I love you and I need you more than I can usually find words to say. But you know that, you know what I am thinking before I have even begun the thought. Today and always, know that you’re the one for me…and I never want to let you go…HERE I AM, LORD!

******

In all stages of my life I am at different places in the stages of growth: at home, at the office, in my life plans, in my inner life of prayer. No wonder I’m feeling scattered. I guess the best this to do is…place my priorities where I need to in order to get all the areas in the same general place on my journey. All of these life stages help me to appreciate that there is no particular rush to get somewhere, everything is in His time. God calls us to wholeness, to live as Jesus lived and love as Jesus loved. God calls us to live in such a way that one day we will never again feel the hunger of the heart.

“We live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

There is more than one way of seeing. We view the world around us with our eyes, but by doing so, we don’t fully grasp or apprehend all there is in life. Those things we “see” by faith cannot be envisioned by our physical eye. That’s why doubters disbelieve them. But when God speaks to our hearts, it is as real as if we’d viewed the truth plainly in front of us. Like Paul, though our eyes cannot see it, we have a spiritual certainty. I have seen beauty of the majestic oceans, mountains, rivers, valleys; seeing these I only begin to understand how good my God truly is, but who am I? Who am I supposed to be? I do not need much, I do not require these lavish things, but I do need love – and I have found it, of this I am sure…

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13

*****

Reminiscing a great moment in the past – please, join me:

Having just walked barefoot through the cool grass of a quiet park near my home – something you can only do in the spring or summer…here I sit, under the shade of the tree. I’ve seen these arms, I’ve heard these sounds, and I’ve felt this feeling. As I lean back, I feel his strong but tender arms engulf my fragile body. A feeling of completeness surrounds us. Everything is silent, though the neighborhood children play not 30 feet away. The perpetual sounds of the nearby river, mixed with the constant resonance of elongated breaths, are the only sounds we can hear. As I sit on the cool ground, leaning back into him. I feel each heartbeat as if it were my own; beating faster and faster now. As we gaze outward together the setting sun paints a picture over the land and sky. An orange glow amazes us both. A soft summer wind rolls by and the sweet smell in the evening air reminds us of the past few months. The summer is nearing its end. Soon the leaves will be changing colors, no longer green and vibrant but shades of golden yellow and orange will overwhelm the wooden statues. God is here, He is everywhere. The omnipresent Lord sees us, knows us, and loves us. Here we sit, thinking about our every move – and this is what I really thought of on this day…

When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, God promised that He would never stop forgiving me, no matter what I do wrong.

“But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” 1 John 1:17

That means God continues to purify us even while we are trying, as I am, to live the Christian life. He does that through the blood of Jesus Christ, the blood which saved me forever. God said that we are completely forgiven because Jesus paid the penaly for our sins when He died on the cross.

“He has done this through the death on the cross of His own human body, and now as a result Christ has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are standing before Him with nothing left against you—nothing left that He could even chide you for.” Colossians 1:22.

And as the auburn glow seemed to fade behind the tree line in a land too far away to walk, I glanced over my shoulder just in time to catch a small wisp of his favorite cologne as my hair softly ran over my face and tickled my nose. I let out a small childish giggle and the passionate silence was broken. Hand in hand, we walked tall across the park to the dock near the water’s edge and gazed outward together one more time – no longer just two, but three.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Every Story Has A Beginning...

Everywhere I go, there you are... ♥

Psalm 139 tells us that darkness is the same as light to God, because he has no need of external sources of light. He IS the light. It seems to me that if your heart is free, and you can run, there is really nothing more we could want to run to...'Search me, O God, and know my heart'. ♥

I have been meaning to begin a blog or a journal of some sort...a way to talk, write, vent, and listen. After much deliberation, and the fact that I am so insanely computer savvy - I decided that a blog was the way to go. Actually, I was inspired by my friend Kristen and her blog of 365 days of Namaste Yoga (thanks hon - and you go girl!).

There are so many things I wish to talk about - this year alone has been eye opening to me, life changing, and as I continue to grow in becoming the person I was meant to be - physically, emotionally, spiritually - God is with me; Omnipresent, Merciful, Righteous, Holy, Loving, Forgiving, and so much more.

Luke 10:27 He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind..." Thus the name of my blog spot - http://heart-soul-mind-and-strength.blogspot.com/

♥ Love and New Beginnings ♥

Aimee Lynn